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magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.”

Teriyaki Sauce Recipe! Looks Good!

Ingredients:

• 1 cup soy sauce
• 1 cup water
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
• 3 tablespoons distilled white vinegar
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1/3 cup dried onion flakes
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger

Ingredients:

• 2 med onions chopped
• 2 14 oz cans diced tomatoes
• 2.5 lbs chicken
• 2.5 lbs pork
• 2 14 oz cans cream corn
• 2 8 oz cans tomato sauce
• Tabasco
• BBQ sauce

I'm so drunk, you can't see me.

aka Green Chile Stew

Ingredients:

• 1 pound boneless pork shoulder cut into ½-inch chunks
• ½ pound ground pork
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 1 teaspoon chopped garlic
• 1 teaspoon ground white pepper
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon dried oregano, preferably Mexican
• 3 1/2 cups water
• 4 roasted, peeled and seeded green chile peppers, medium dice (see chiles rellenos recipe) or six canned whole green chile peppers, medium dice
• 1 green bell pepper, seeded, medium dice
• 1 poblano pepper, seeded, medium dice
• 1 jalapeno pepper, seeded, medium dice
• 1 banana pepper, seeded, medium dice
• ½ cup medium diced yellow onion
• ½ cup medium diced russet potato

Directions:

1. In a large stew pot over high heat, add pork chunks, ground pork, salt, garlic, white pepper, cumin, oregano and water.
2. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer 30 to 45 minutes until pork chunks start to soften.
3. Add green chile, green bell, poblano, jalapeno and banana peppers, onion and potato and continue to simmer 30 to 45 minutes, until vegetables soften, pork starts to fall apart and stew thickens.
4. Add salt and pepper to taste.
5. Serve in bowls with white rice or warm corn tortillas.

Per serving: 195 calories (percent of calories from fat, 50), 17 grams protein, 7 grams carbohydrates, 1 gram fiber, 11 grams fat (4 grams saturated), 59 milligrams cholesterol, 593 milligrams sodium.

Hands on: 30 minutes Total time: 2 hours Makes: 8 servings

Serve with the worst beer in America—Camo 24 Silver Ice High Gravity Lager–and check yourself into a half-way house or a quarter-of-the-way house… which ever one suits you.

Turtle Head! Delicious!

Handmade ground beef patties, topped with sharp cheddar cheese, wrapped in a bacon weave, then the next step, add hotdogs as the heads, legs with slits for toes and tail.

Ingredients:

• Ground Beef
• Bacon
• Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Sliced
• Hot Dogs

Directions:
Place on an oven rack, covered loosely with foil and baked for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees. A little crispy, not too crunchy…just how a turtle should be, no?

Serve with some Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry and ask yourself why.

This really does look like Paul.

Ingredients:

• 1 green bell pepper
• 1 yellow bell pepper
• 1 red bell pepper
• 1 white onion
• 1 bunch green onions
• 7 to 10 jalapenos
• 2 small cans of green chiles
• 1 14 ounce can of tomato sauce
• 1 14 ounce can of stewed tomatoes
• 5 tomatoes
• Garlic powder (to taste)
• Salt (to taste)
• Black pepper (to taste)
• White pepper (to taste)
• Red crushed chiles (to taste)
• Cayenne pepper (to taste)
• Oregano (to taste)
• Cilantro (to taste)

Directions:

Chop all of the above ingredients up to the consistency you want. Stir in the spices. Eat it. You will enjoy.

Serve with chilled Duck Farts while smoking brown cigarellos and listening to Too Slim and the Taildraggers. Enjoy!

Pass the Courvoisier... chicken that is.

Ingredients:

• One whole chicken
• Kosher Salt
• Pepper
• Grill
• Paper Towels
• Water Source
• Meat Thermometer
• Peach-Flavored Cigarellos
• Slim Jims

Directions:
Wash and dry it with paper towels.
Add kosher salt and pepper to taste.
Place on grill for one hour or so.
Chicken is done when it reaches 165 degrees.

Serve with warm courvoisier, peach-flavored cigarellos, and snap into a side of slim jims. Enjoy!

When the moment hits you, be ready with a hearty casserole and a bathtub.

Ingredients:

• 4 chicken breasts (boiled & diced)
• 1 cup sour cream
• 1 can cream of chicken soup
• 4 hard boiled eggs (optional)
• 1 cup celery chopped
• 1/2 cup chopped onion
• 1 tbl worchestershire
• 1 roll Ritz crackers
• 1 stick butter, melted
• Salt and Pepper

Directions:

Boil chicken breast until tender; drain and dice. Spread evenly over bottom of casserole dish. Salt and pepper. Throw all of the ingredients (except the crackers)  into a casserole dish. Put the crushed Ritz crackers on top of that. Melted butter over all. Bake in 350 degree oven for 30 minutes.

Acquire a piece of land with an al fresco bathtub overlooking a bay (or any shoreline for that matter), disrobe, get in the tub, and pretend you are in a Cialis commercial. Serve with a nice rosé wine. Enjoi!

"You are what you eat and I am what you eat." -Meatloaf 2010

Ingredients:

• 1.5 lbs ground beef or turkey
• 3 tbls. tomato paste
• 3 splashes Worcestershire sauce
• 1 egg
• 1 palm full of Italian bread crumbs
• 1 palm full grated parmesan cheese
• 1.5 tsp salt
• 1 tsp. pepper
• 1/2 tsp. thyme
• 1/2 tsp. oregano

Directions:

So, put all the above in a bowl and mix it up. Saute 1/2 medium yellow onion (diced) and 1/2 green bell pepper (diced) in about 1 tbls of olive oil, salt and pepper to taste until they’re soft. Let them cool for about 2 minutes and add to the mixture. Divide into 2 meatloaves and bake on parchment paper at 350 for about 40 minutes.

Serve with a tall glass of shut the hell up. Enjoy!

This is the dip that everyone was talking about.

Ingredients:

• One pound of white American cheese, sliced however, from deli
• One jalapeno diced finely
• One-half sweet onion diced finely
• One small tomato diced finely
• One-half cup fresh chopped cilantro

Directions:

Microwave cheese till it melts. Stir in jalepeno, onion, tomato, and cilantro. Microwave again until it’s hot. Eat with corn chips.

Serve with the worst beer in the world aka (Bud Light Chelada.) I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.