This just in! Steves HDs test kitchen has just invented the world’s first smoked turkey that tastes like boiled chicken! More details to come!

We at Steve’s HDs wish you a happy thanksgiving. We hope it is filled with smoked / par-boiled / semi-delicious meats.

Ingredients:

• ½# fresh lump crabmeat (I use close to 1#)
• 1- 8 oz package of cream cheese, softened
• 1 garlic clove, pressed (approx ¼ tsp)
• 1 tsp Worcestershire Sauce
• 1 tsp minced fresh chives (can used dried)
• 1 tsp minced fresh parsley
• 1 ½ tsp Old Bay Seasoning (I use Tony Chachere’s Seasoning)

Directions:
Drain crabmeat, remove any bits of shell
Beat cream cheese and next 5 ingredients until smooth
Gently stir in crabmeat. Cover and chill 8 hrs.

Serve w/ crackers or little crostini’s what

I ate this after Danielle made it…and let me tell ya, it will take you to another level. One of the ingredients should be an envelope with “Two tickets to paradise” enclosed. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

• 2 lbs of ground beef cooked
• 1 onion chopped (cook with beef  as you finish cooking)
• 2 packages of ranch style dressing mix
• 2 packages of taco seasoning mix
• 1 16 oz can black beans (undrained)
• 1 16 oz can kidney beans (undrained)
• 1 16 oc can pinto beans (undrained)
• 1 large can diced tomatoes (undrained)
• 1 can Rotel (undrained)
• 1 can white or yella corn (you guess it, undrained)
• 2 cups water (undrained)
• Hot sauce to suit your taste bud senses

Directions:

Cook that beef! Brown it! Throw the chopped onion into the cooking beef before it is finished browning!

Garnish with sour cream, shredded cheese, onions, chips, beer, cornbread.

Freezes well. You can double the beans if’n you reckin. If you’re a vegetarian, please leave. Just kidding. I love you.

Tonight…You.

Have you ever craved cauliflower infused peanut butter?

No?

Well the Steve’s HDs test kitchen has, so we made it, and it was the worst idea of the year.

Never put a medium-sized cauliflower floret in room temperature peanut butter and leave it in there for a couple days. An odd chemical reaction occurs, and all of your peanut butter will be destroyed. The cauliflower causes the peanut butter to form a dark brown skin-like surface with green lesions.

Happy New Year by the way.

Hi Nicole.

Ingredients:

• 1 can of ragu
• 1 pound of fried beef

Fry beef in pan. Add ragu. Pour over noodles. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

• 3 Tablespoons granulated sugar
• 3 Tablespoons lemon pepper
• 3 Tablespoons paprika
• 3 Tablespoons dry barbecue seasoning
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon ground red pepper
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• ½ teaspoon ground nutmeg

Directions:
Mix all ingredients together and store in airtight container. Best used on pork can also be used on thick cuts of beef.

Serve with a one liter bottle of Don Pedro Mexican Brandy, a pop tart, and a chalupa. Then visit Rio Baño.

Ingredients:

• 1 ½ cups olive oil
• 4 fresh jalapeno peppers coarsely chopped
• 2 poblano peppers coarsely chopped
• 1 Tablespoon crushed red pepper
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 8 turns freshly ground black pepper
• 1 Tablespoon minced garlic

Directions:
Combine all ingredients except garlic in a saucepan over medium high heat. Cook, stirring frequently for 4 – 5 minutes (after it has reached a boil). Stir in garlic and remove from heat.
Allow to cool to room temperature.
When cool, pour into food processor and pulse 16 times. Store in a glass airtight container for 1 week.
Keeps up to two months.

I guess you just keep it in a jar and put it in a curio cabinet.

Brad or John didn’t tell me what to do with Piri Piri once it is produced. Maybe it kills fire ants.

Serve with an inexpensive Champagne and drink it with 2 or 3 couples who like to wear sweaters around their necks. You know, to look preppy. WARNING!: Don’t get in the hot tub with them after they drink the Champagne! No matter how many times they ask. Enjoy! Be responsible! Keep your laws off my body?

Last time I visited Pen island with my girlfriend, she was hungry for some beef. Make this dish and your girlfriend will want the beef bad!

Ingredients:

• One pack of mushrooms whole or sliced
• One can of tomato paste.
• One or two lite beers.
• Six cloves of garlic.
• One pack of baby carrots.
• Six large beef short ribs.

Directions:
Fire up your grill–preferably a charcoal grill. Get it to medium hot. Put an iron skillet on the grill and get it hot. Insert the beef short ribs onto the grill to brown them (3 minutes a side.) Set aside beef short ribs on a plate. Take the iron skillet off the grill and pour a mixture of tomato paste and the beer into the iron skillet. Put the beef short ribs back in the skillet and dump the mushrooms and carrots into it. Mince the 6 cloves of garlic and put it into the skillet.

Cover the iron skillet with aluminum foil and place onto medium-hot grill. Cook for two or three hours, making sure that the liquid does not boil away. If you need more liquid, add water or beer.

Ribs are done when meat falls apart when picked up with a fork.

Note: if you have a iron dutch oven, that works better than the iron skillet and foil.

Serve with a room temperature grain alcohol mixed with purple Kool aid (don’t add water, just the powder). Keep drinking the alcohol and eat nothing but Twizlers and EZ Cheese for a week. Once the boundary between your conscious and subconscious mind blurs, steal a male donkey from a local farmer. Ride the donkey (only stop for extra Depends undergarments, vienna sausages, and pickled eggs) until you reach Jonesboro, Arkansas. Go inside the nearest John Deere dealership and order a 5003 Series Tractor and a bowl of sheet metal strips. When the salesman says “What tha hell?”, tell them your name is Optimus Prime and punch that stupid donkey in the mouth!

After a long time of drinking red wine at Dante’s for our Lenz Christmas party, I convinced the server to give me the recipes for their dipping sauce. Yum.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup mayo
• 1 egg (hard-boiled and finely chopped)
• 1 tsp. dry mustard
• 1 tsp. anchovy paste
• 2 tsp. capers (small size)
• 1 tsp. chopped tarragon leaves
• 1 tsp. minced garlic

Directions:

Add mayo to mixing bowl and stir in hard-boiled chopped egg. Stir in dry mustard, anchovy paste, capers, tarragon leaves, and garlic. Stir until anchovy paste disappears.

Serve with a fine liquor dispensed from a flask shaped like a cell phone. Play a round of golf with a stranger. You know… someone who you get paired up with because you showed up by yourself. And they need a partner. You might get killed on hole 12, or you might make a life-long friend. Enjoy!

The rest of the sauces’ recipes are just the ingredients… until I experiment, you’re on your own…

I’d heat them up though.

Dante’s Horseradish Sauce

• Mayo
• Sour Cream
• Horseradish
• Onion Salt
• Worcestershire sauce

Dante’s Teriyaki Sauce

• Soy sauce
• Ginger
• White sugar
• Vinegar
• Finely chopped green onions

Dante’s Sweet & Sour Sauce

• Crushed pineapple
• Pinapple juice
• Brown sugar
• White sugar
• Ketchup
• White vinegar
• Worcestershire sauce
• Soy sauce
• Tabasco sauce
• Salt
• Corn starch