Slap Yo’ Bes’ Friend’s Mama in Da Mouf’ Biscuits

When I was growin’ up in west Texas, I saw a lotta men cut down in a hail of lead and fire because they couldn’t make a decent biscuit. I decided at an early age that was not gonna happen to me. So I bought myself a Russian-made 12 gauge, double barreled shotgun (side by side with exposed hammers) and a surplus flak jacket. I shortened the barrels and the stock on the scatter gun and set out a searchin’ for a damned good biscuit recipe. ‘Bout ten miles south of Grinders Switch, Tennessee, I found it! While robbin’ an old lady outside a Piggly Wiggly, I noticed she had something far more valuable than just money in her purse… As she was handin’ me the last $16 of her Social Security check, she dropped her grandma’s biscuit recipe. I think she was more upset about the recipe than the money—I don’t blame her.


  • 1/4 cup of shortening
  • 2 cups self-rising flour
  • 1/2 tablespoon sugar
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 3/4 buttermilk


Heat oven to 450 degrees.

Combine dry ingredients then cut in shortening.

Stir in buttermilk so the dough leaves the side of the bowl and rounds into a ball.

Turn dough onto a lightly floured surface. Knead lightly about 10 times (fewer times the fluffier and lighter the biscuits will be). Roll or pat dough 3/4 inch thick.

Cut with floured biscuit cutter-approximately 2 1/2 inch diameter.

Place in ungreased cast-iron skillet and cook for about 12 minutes or until light golden brown.

Serve with a shot of a nice plastic bottle tequilla, apply Vicks Vaporub to your eyelids and do some line dancing.

Submitted by Wesley S. graphical interface and communications director of all media Freeman


Author: steveshotdogs

Hello! This blog is dedicated to the best recipes in the world. If a recipe isn't on this blog, then it isn't one of the best recipes in the world. Recipes have been found, stolen, or invented by John Lenz, Matt Tinsley, Matt Tinsley's mom, or Scott Sanders, or Judy, or Billy Mark Mason, or Wesley "the ugly munchkin" Freeman, or The Pain Train.

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